Sunday 15 September 2013
Thursday 8 August 2013
Winter Warmer - Apple & Berry Roll
I decided to get creative today.
Jonathan wasn't being too clingy, due to his teething, so I thought I do some baking. Let's face it it, when I cook, what I'm good at, Im really good at but when i'm not - it's terrible.
I wanted to try making an baked apple and cinnamon roll that I had actually just seen on CBeebies, yes CBeebies.
I had no idea how to make pastry from scratch and I certainly was not dragging Jonathan out in the rain to go get some. Good old google always comes through.
I got the recipe here...
Pastry Recipe
Within ten minutes I had this tiny ball of magic...
I was so proud of it, small things right, even Jonathan had a go with his teeny tiny pitta patta hands.
I grated an entire apple, added honey, cinnamon, a teaspoon of sugar and some frozen mixed berries.
I rolled the pastry mix out and spread the apple and berry mix over it. It was rolled up and roughly cut into 6 pieces.
I sprinkled a bit my sugar on top and in the oven she went at 180 degrees.
Jonathan wasn't being too clingy, due to his teething, so I thought I do some baking. Let's face it it, when I cook, what I'm good at, Im really good at but when i'm not - it's terrible.
I wanted to try making an baked apple and cinnamon roll that I had actually just seen on CBeebies, yes CBeebies.
I had no idea how to make pastry from scratch and I certainly was not dragging Jonathan out in the rain to go get some. Good old google always comes through.
I got the recipe here...
Pastry Recipe
Within ten minutes I had this tiny ball of magic...
I was so proud of it, small things right, even Jonathan had a go with his teeny tiny pitta patta hands.
I grated an entire apple, added honey, cinnamon, a teaspoon of sugar and some frozen mixed berries.
I rolled the pastry mix out and spread the apple and berry mix over it. It was rolled up and roughly cut into 6 pieces.
I sprinkled a bit my sugar on top and in the oven she went at 180 degrees.
Thirty minutes later it was time to add some hot custard and devour these winter warming treats.
The husband may have given my a 5.9/10 for dinner but it was certainly at 10/10 for dessert.
Delicious.
Friday 26 July 2013
A blogger event...
Isn't it always the way?
I'm linking this post up to #PoCoLO - Please take the time to visit her wonderful blog.
I didn't set my alarm as I knew Jonathan would surely wake me up and he slept until 8.15am. I had planned to leave at 8.30am so I knew this was totally out the window. Tomorrow, we'll have no where to be early and I can almost guarantee you he will be up at 6.30am.
Today was my very big and exciting day. I had been invited to my first bloggers event.
It was an event hosted by Kids Business in the ever so enchanting Centennial Park.
When I started my blog a few months back it was just something to do in my "spare" time while I was on maternity leave. I never thought I'd be able to keep going once I was back at work but I did. I'm really enjoying it. Actually, Im loving it. I'm connecting with people, sharing my thoughts, experiences and feelings with the world. For me, if it helps one mother on her motherhood journey then my job is done.
Regardless of the sleep in, I made it there in time. Just so you know, Centennial Park is HUGE. Yes, I know, you know that. I didn't and got lost.
When i'm sitting here on my lounge communicating and 'hiding' behind my screen I find it easier to let go. I thought I'd be a wreck there today. I had nothing to hide behind. I had no idea what to expect. Was I too dressed up? Did I miss something? Would I say something silly? It was almost like starting high school again.
I walked in, had a look around and immediately lined up to grab myself a drink. The fun started from there. It was the first blogger even for many of us mums so we were all as nervous as each other. Small talk started and then the conversations flowed. I met lots of super lovely mums. I listened to inspirational speakers. I spoke with wonderful brands. I'm looking forward to the future relations I can build with all of them.
I've got great products to write about, wonderful mums to talk to and the motivation from speakers to keep me going and doing what I love.
There just was not enough time to meet and mingle with everyone, I missed out on so many introductions to so many lovely people. In the blink of an eye the day had come to an end.
I was so nervous and looking back now I don't know why I even worried. If I took one thing from today, it was learning and understanding that us mums are all the same. We have once common thread that binds us. Our children.
Our children are our world and we want the world to see it, so... we blog. We're mummy bloggers.
I'm linking this post up to #PoCoLO - Please take the time to visit her wonderful blog.
Wednesday 24 July 2013
How we love - Wednesday Words - 24.7.2013
I seem to be a bit lost with Wednesday Words this week.
I missed last week so have made it down here with just over two hours to go. Go me - Time management skills down packed.
If i've understood correctly and the topic is 'How we love" then here goes...
It seems like a topic that should roll down from my mind and through my fingertips with such great ease. There are so many ways. The post could go on and on.
We all know that we all love in different ways, it comes in many forms.
I remember the first time I held my JJ. I still can't describe it. I can't find the words to put on 'paper' that captures that feeling. It's like being hit by what I now know is pure unconditional love - an absolute explosion.
I didn't realise it straight away. In fact, it took about 6 weeks. When I look back now at those first 6 weeks I just felt like I was on auto pilot. Feed, change, bath, sleep and keep him safe. Keep him safe, keep him safe. Then bang - I knew it, I kept him safe because I loved him. NOthing or no one could come in between that or break it down. This new found love was hands down the best thing i'd ever felt.
Here is my song for this weeks Wednesday Words. I distinctly remember my mother saying that one day when I had my own child I'd understand the meaning. Is hows she loved me, how I love Jonathan and how Jonathan will one day love his child.
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I saw Your Face
I missed last week so have made it down here with just over two hours to go. Go me - Time management skills down packed.
If i've understood correctly and the topic is 'How we love" then here goes...
It seems like a topic that should roll down from my mind and through my fingertips with such great ease. There are so many ways. The post could go on and on.
We all know that we all love in different ways, it comes in many forms.
I remember the first time I held my JJ. I still can't describe it. I can't find the words to put on 'paper' that captures that feeling. It's like being hit by what I now know is pure unconditional love - an absolute explosion.
I didn't realise it straight away. In fact, it took about 6 weeks. When I look back now at those first 6 weeks I just felt like I was on auto pilot. Feed, change, bath, sleep and keep him safe. Keep him safe, keep him safe. Then bang - I knew it, I kept him safe because I loved him. NOthing or no one could come in between that or break it down. This new found love was hands down the best thing i'd ever felt.
Here is my song for this weeks Wednesday Words. I distinctly remember my mother saying that one day when I had my own child I'd understand the meaning. Is hows she loved me, how I love Jonathan and how Jonathan will one day love his child.
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I saw Your Face
The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the end of the skies
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hand
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last, till the end of time, my love
The first time ever I saw your face
Your face
Your face
Your face
Listen - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the end of the skies
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hand
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last, till the end of time, my love
The first time ever I saw your face
Your face
Your face
Your face
Listen - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.
Tuesday 16 July 2013
One Week
It seems J has developed leaps and bounds over the last two weeks.
He's learning and doing so many new things.
I'm so proud of him that it brings tears to my eyes. I dread the first steps, I'll probably curl up in the feral position in the corner of the room.
Last Wednesday night he went from a sort of drag crawl to a proper crawl. Just like that. He was up and off.
Thursday followed with him lifting himself up unsupported.
On Sunday he was able to sort of hold his own bottle.
Tonight he's eating strawberries like its no ones business.
He's reaching all these mini milestones and I wish I could just hit the pause button.
My little precious baby is no longer. He's taking the first steps of independence, exploring the world, touching, feeling and tasting. I think it's the most beautiful thing to watch him. As much as I want it all to slow down, I want it to hurry up. I want him to talk so I can ask him what it's like, how he's feeling.
If I use my assertive voice he now frowns his eye brows at me. When I smile, he smiles back. He simply is pure utter joy to be around.
This morning I dropped him at daycare and he held out his arms for his teacher, yes, his teacher. He didn't cry to stay with me, lets face it, he never does #rejection. I realised it was harder for me to leave him that for him to leave me. For the first time since that first day I walked out and cried.
So this must be what it's like. He's my little baby, then my little boy, then my little man. I'm preparing him for his life ahead the best way I know how.
I'm so proud of him, every fibre in his body. Even when he is a man he'll always be my little baby.
He's learning and doing so many new things.
I'm so proud of him that it brings tears to my eyes. I dread the first steps, I'll probably curl up in the feral position in the corner of the room.
Last Wednesday night he went from a sort of drag crawl to a proper crawl. Just like that. He was up and off.
Thursday followed with him lifting himself up unsupported.
On Sunday he was able to sort of hold his own bottle.
Tonight he's eating strawberries like its no ones business.
He's reaching all these mini milestones and I wish I could just hit the pause button.
My little precious baby is no longer. He's taking the first steps of independence, exploring the world, touching, feeling and tasting. I think it's the most beautiful thing to watch him. As much as I want it all to slow down, I want it to hurry up. I want him to talk so I can ask him what it's like, how he's feeling.
If I use my assertive voice he now frowns his eye brows at me. When I smile, he smiles back. He simply is pure utter joy to be around.
This morning I dropped him at daycare and he held out his arms for his teacher, yes, his teacher. He didn't cry to stay with me, lets face it, he never does #rejection. I realised it was harder for me to leave him that for him to leave me. For the first time since that first day I walked out and cried.
So this must be what it's like. He's my little baby, then my little boy, then my little man. I'm preparing him for his life ahead the best way I know how.
I'm so proud of him, every fibre in his body. Even when he is a man he'll always be my little baby.
Monday 15 July 2013
Ohh Monday
It was your usual Monday morning.
Up in a rush - get ready, wake JJ, dress him feed him and out the door for day care. Yes, I was late. I always am lately. Tomorrow I WILL leave at 6.30am. I need to, schools back.
Two weeks ago marked the 2 year anniversary at my work.
I loved my job, the people, my role, my bosses.
Today I got made redundant, i'm not sure how to feel, maybe its a blessing in disguise. I get some more mummy bub time.
It doesn't matter how bad of a day I have when I see my son its like nothing happened at all and who can resist this...
It will all work out in the end, wont it.
M xx
Sunday 14 July 2013
Wednesday 10 July 2013
Lets eat Pasta
I've been on a hunt for pasta that little J would eat and keep down.
Something small enough for a toothless 8 month old that could transition him into 'harder' solids.
I came across Barilla Filini at the deli and ladies and gentlemen...
We have a winner.
My Italian ancestors are cheering with joy... yes, I can hear them :)
For tonight's dinner I boiled and mashed potatoes and butternut pumpkin. I boiled the pasta with the most teeny tiny amount of Massel chicken stock.
Dinner was ready in 20 minutes.
If you think your little one is ready, go ahead and try it. The pasta is great in home made soups for us big kids too x
Sunday 7 July 2013
Where is your mummy?
One day the question will be asked. One day I will have to answer it and one day I will need to know how to.
I never realised I'd have to even answer the question until today.
As often as we can we take Jonathan to see 'Nonna', his grandmother, my mother, who unfortunately passed away 10 years ago.
I take him because I want this to feel 'normal' for him. As he grows up I want him to know where we are going when I say "lets go bring flowers to Nonna". I want this to be a happy outing for him. I want it to be special mummy / baby time where I can share all the stories with him of his beautiful Nonna and the wonderful lady she was.
Growing up, I never imagined bringing my children into this world without having my mother around. Sadly, that became a harsh reality. For those of you who have lost a parent early on in life, actually, anyone at all, you know that you just don't get over it, you learn to live with it. I did learn to live with it until I found out I was pregnant.
When I found out I was pregnant those dreaded feelings came filtering through again. It was and was going to be the happiest time of my life and like every other 'life milestone' i'd be doing it without my mother. There'd be no shopping for baby clothes with her, no one to call if I was worried, no support from my mother at the time when I needed her most. Again, I mourned, I mourned the experiences that would never be.
I learned and am still learning to be a mother without my mother. I could have called her a million times by now, I could have dropped JJ off at her house who knows how many times and I could have had her stay over so I could sleep with every chance I got. She'd have done it too because she would have done anything, for anyone. Thats just the type of person she was. Pure. Open hearted. Loving. Beautiful.
She was my best friend, I was hers and she would have loved JJ with every bone and fibre in her body. It scared me that I'd never be as good of a mother as she was. I thought that I didn't have enough time with her to learn how to one day be. Guess what though? I think I am. That greatness I remember, I now show my son. I am the mum that my mum was.
So one day, we will go to the cemetery. One day JJ will ask me "where is your mummy?" and one day i'll touch my heart and say "in here" then touch his heart and say "in there".
Every moment of life is beautiful. Cherish every second with everyone you love. Hold them in your heart and they will live there forever. No matter what you believe. They really can live on forever.
I never realised I'd have to even answer the question until today.
As often as we can we take Jonathan to see 'Nonna', his grandmother, my mother, who unfortunately passed away 10 years ago.
I take him because I want this to feel 'normal' for him. As he grows up I want him to know where we are going when I say "lets go bring flowers to Nonna". I want this to be a happy outing for him. I want it to be special mummy / baby time where I can share all the stories with him of his beautiful Nonna and the wonderful lady she was.
Growing up, I never imagined bringing my children into this world without having my mother around. Sadly, that became a harsh reality. For those of you who have lost a parent early on in life, actually, anyone at all, you know that you just don't get over it, you learn to live with it. I did learn to live with it until I found out I was pregnant.
When I found out I was pregnant those dreaded feelings came filtering through again. It was and was going to be the happiest time of my life and like every other 'life milestone' i'd be doing it without my mother. There'd be no shopping for baby clothes with her, no one to call if I was worried, no support from my mother at the time when I needed her most. Again, I mourned, I mourned the experiences that would never be.
I learned and am still learning to be a mother without my mother. I could have called her a million times by now, I could have dropped JJ off at her house who knows how many times and I could have had her stay over so I could sleep with every chance I got. She'd have done it too because she would have done anything, for anyone. Thats just the type of person she was. Pure. Open hearted. Loving. Beautiful.
She was my best friend, I was hers and she would have loved JJ with every bone and fibre in her body. It scared me that I'd never be as good of a mother as she was. I thought that I didn't have enough time with her to learn how to one day be. Guess what though? I think I am. That greatness I remember, I now show my son. I am the mum that my mum was.
So one day, we will go to the cemetery. One day JJ will ask me "where is your mummy?" and one day i'll touch my heart and say "in here" then touch his heart and say "in there".
Every moment of life is beautiful. Cherish every second with everyone you love. Hold them in your heart and they will live there forever. No matter what you believe. They really can live on forever.
Wednesday 3 July 2013
Wednesday Words - Week 2 - Kindness
Kindness comes when we least expect it. Often when we are at our lowest and from the people we never thought. It dances around us like the air we breathe, even if at times, we cannot see it.
That kindness can save a person.
It's a smile, a touch, a gesture, an act - anything that helps someone, even in the tiniest way.
The kindness that we teach to our children will form their future. I hope it swirls in their hearts and passes on through generations to come.
To anyone that reads this - I'd love for you to carry out a simple act of kindness today. To whoever and however you feel. Purely for the purpose of helping another xx
That leads me to one of my favourite quotes from one of the kindest ladies there was:
"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you"
-Princess Diana
That kindness can save a person.
It's a smile, a touch, a gesture, an act - anything that helps someone, even in the tiniest way.
The kindness that we teach to our children will form their future. I hope it swirls in their hearts and passes on through generations to come.
To anyone that reads this - I'd love for you to carry out a simple act of kindness today. To whoever and however you feel. Purely for the purpose of helping another xx
That leads me to one of my favourite quotes from one of the kindest ladies there was:
"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you"
-Princess Diana
Sunday 30 June 2013
Friday 28 June 2013
SPLISH SPLASH
This morning we had Jonathan's second swimming lesson. Absolute bonus that none of the other kids turned up so little J had a one on one. Well, for about 15 minutes...
I'm really enjoying this stage. I love watching how he observes, learns and interacts with everyone and everything. No stranger danger with my boy.
This week I remembered his rash shirt - bonus for me. Ok not like I forgot last week. I just didn't know. Bad first time mother moment. Isn't it funny the little things that we are totally oblivious to. We had to take him out early because he got too cold. #feelingterrible Anyway, he got to stay in the entire lesson. So no shivers brrrrrr
His '2nd and 3rd Mums' (you'll get me if you read my previous post) came along to watch which was great. Jonathan had a support squad and of course we clapped every time he made a splash, even if he had no idea what he was doing :)
I was quiete surprised by the amount of dads that go in with their bubs. I totally thought it would be the mums going in. Maybe everyone isn't a control freak like me. Hubby ended up jumping in today when JJ got a bit 'restless'...
I love saturday mornings. Even more so because right next store to the swim school is a Toys'r'Us. Straight after the lesson we go in and have a wonder. That's not even for JJ, its for mummy and daddy... the big kids. Its family time and we love it. With everything going on in our busy lives, even if its strolling the isles of a Toys'r'Us, we're all together and thats what counts.
Go on, play the tune below. I promise it wont get stuck in your head all day.
Splish Splash I was taking a bath... Splishing and Splashing.
Happy Saturday xx
I'm really enjoying this stage. I love watching how he observes, learns and interacts with everyone and everything. No stranger danger with my boy.
This week I remembered his rash shirt - bonus for me. Ok not like I forgot last week. I just didn't know. Bad first time mother moment. Isn't it funny the little things that we are totally oblivious to. We had to take him out early because he got too cold. #feelingterrible Anyway, he got to stay in the entire lesson. So no shivers brrrrrr
His '2nd and 3rd Mums' (you'll get me if you read my previous post) came along to watch which was great. Jonathan had a support squad and of course we clapped every time he made a splash, even if he had no idea what he was doing :)
I was quiete surprised by the amount of dads that go in with their bubs. I totally thought it would be the mums going in. Maybe everyone isn't a control freak like me. Hubby ended up jumping in today when JJ got a bit 'restless'...
I love saturday mornings. Even more so because right next store to the swim school is a Toys'r'Us. Straight after the lesson we go in and have a wonder. That's not even for JJ, its for mummy and daddy... the big kids. Its family time and we love it. With everything going on in our busy lives, even if its strolling the isles of a Toys'r'Us, we're all together and thats what counts.
Go on, play the tune below. I promise it wont get stuck in your head all day.
Splish Splash I was taking a bath... Splishing and Splashing.
Happy Saturday xx
My sister, her wife and Jonathan.
It's been a while since I've been here, longing to find the words that match the thoughts in my head.
This post is difficult, difficult because the topic is difficult. I love my sister and her wife. I call her her wife because she is. Legally or not, in my eyes they depict true love and love is love right?
For lots of us it's simple. We track the month, know when we're ovulating, do the deed and presto 9 months later its baby time. Think of that, if you're one of the lucky ones, like me, then really think of that. I wish it could be that simple for the people who need it to be. The people like my sister and her wife.
The amount of unconditional love that they have to give is extraordinary. I know this because I see it, I see it everyday. Everyday when I get a text from them to see how my son is, I drop JJ at their place to babysit, they pop over unannounced just to see him. It's that unconditional love that we understand as adults. The love our parents had for us, their parents for them and us for our children.
I see them and how they play, laugh, educate and interact with my son. I see how my sons face lights up when he sees them. He knows them and even if only 7 months old, I know he trusts them, I know he loves them. They are his '2nd and 3rd mummy' as I like to call them or zia (aunty in Italian).
I was lucky enough to have my sister with me throughout my labour and when I gave birth to Jonathan. I can honestly say that I've never felt so connected to her in my entire life. With just a look she knew what I needed, my concerns, my thoughts. The same connection she now shares with JJ. Like I as his mother know him, so does she. Without a doubt in the world, she's the one I trust the most with my little man.
When I sit and reflect on them as parents, I know they'd be perfect. Ok, not perfect, what parents are? but GREAT. Often it breaks my heart because I know this simple joy doesn't come as easy as it does for me. What comforts me is that without them even knowing it they are parents.
See it as you do, the dictionary defines a parent as "One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
This is what they do, so this is what they are. They help me, along with my husband, to raise our son. Like us, they instil the values, morals and guidelines into Jonathan that will allow him to one day become a man and face the world with all that we have given him.
They spoil him rotten, but thats ok, they can do that for now. xx
This post is difficult, difficult because the topic is difficult. I love my sister and her wife. I call her her wife because she is. Legally or not, in my eyes they depict true love and love is love right?
For lots of us it's simple. We track the month, know when we're ovulating, do the deed and presto 9 months later its baby time. Think of that, if you're one of the lucky ones, like me, then really think of that. I wish it could be that simple for the people who need it to be. The people like my sister and her wife.
The amount of unconditional love that they have to give is extraordinary. I know this because I see it, I see it everyday. Everyday when I get a text from them to see how my son is, I drop JJ at their place to babysit, they pop over unannounced just to see him. It's that unconditional love that we understand as adults. The love our parents had for us, their parents for them and us for our children.
I see them and how they play, laugh, educate and interact with my son. I see how my sons face lights up when he sees them. He knows them and even if only 7 months old, I know he trusts them, I know he loves them. They are his '2nd and 3rd mummy' as I like to call them or zia (aunty in Italian).
I was lucky enough to have my sister with me throughout my labour and when I gave birth to Jonathan. I can honestly say that I've never felt so connected to her in my entire life. With just a look she knew what I needed, my concerns, my thoughts. The same connection she now shares with JJ. Like I as his mother know him, so does she. Without a doubt in the world, she's the one I trust the most with my little man.
When I sit and reflect on them as parents, I know they'd be perfect. Ok, not perfect, what parents are? but GREAT. Often it breaks my heart because I know this simple joy doesn't come as easy as it does for me. What comforts me is that without them even knowing it they are parents.
See it as you do, the dictionary defines a parent as "One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
This is what they do, so this is what they are. They help me, along with my husband, to raise our son. Like us, they instil the values, morals and guidelines into Jonathan that will allow him to one day become a man and face the world with all that we have given him.
They spoil him rotten, but thats ok, they can do that for now. xx
Tuesday 25 June 2013
Wednesday Words: Online Friendship #wednesdaywords
When we stop to think and reflect on the true meaning of a friend I don't get words or phrases, I get faces.
The faces of the friends who mean the most to me, be it online or in real life. The ones that are always there, I can count on and brighten up my life. I'd like to think I do the same for them.
My mother always said, If you can count your friends on one hand then you are truly blessed. I guess I am. You all know who you are.
So my quote for #wednesdaywords is:
“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
The faces of the friends who mean the most to me, be it online or in real life. The ones that are always there, I can count on and brighten up my life. I'd like to think I do the same for them.
My mother always said, If you can count your friends on one hand then you are truly blessed. I guess I am. You all know who you are.
So my quote for #wednesdaywords is:
“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
Saturday 9 March 2013
The Empty Slate
Isn't a wonderful thing when you realise just how much that little bundle of joy depends on you? I'm not just talking the pure necessities, feeding, changing, dressing etc. What I'm talking about is their absolute need for us as parents, teachers, friends, relatives to display the best we can as our children absorb and fill their 'slate'.
I always knew this but did not realise and understand until just recently. Two weeks ago to be exact. My son is now four months old.
I realised when someone said "isn't it amazing, just how much he absorbs? he is so inquisitive". Yes indeed he is. Sometimes it's almost as if he waits on me with bated breath. He watches every move I make. At times he looks like he is questioning me as if to say 'Mum, what the hell are you doing?" at others it's like he is saying "Mum, you're so funny and you're the best mummy in the world". Maybe thats what I am hoping he is thinking :)
It's the most beautiful thing when you realise this. Not only are you teaching you're beautiful little person to be and become the best they can be but you are fixing yourself. I find myself questioning everything I do. I know he is watching me so before I act, I think. When I think, I ask myself, "how would JJ interpret this in his little head and in turn what does that teach him?
I officially welcome myself to the parent club.
I'm on my best most proper behaviour when I am within ear and eyeshot of him. I also ensure that everyone that is within close and frequent contact does the same. When they don't it's my opportunity to teach little man right from wrong.
I have heard that the first four years are the most crucial for a child's development. I'm no child psychologist but if this is the truth then i've got the most exciting 4 years ahead.
I love this time with him. I love watching him as he learns, explores and develops. As every sense in his body ignites. I have created and will continue to create and help mould this young boy into the man he will become.
Love, joy and wonderful memories.
M xxx
I always knew this but did not realise and understand until just recently. Two weeks ago to be exact. My son is now four months old.
I realised when someone said "isn't it amazing, just how much he absorbs? he is so inquisitive". Yes indeed he is. Sometimes it's almost as if he waits on me with bated breath. He watches every move I make. At times he looks like he is questioning me as if to say 'Mum, what the hell are you doing?" at others it's like he is saying "Mum, you're so funny and you're the best mummy in the world". Maybe thats what I am hoping he is thinking :)
It's the most beautiful thing when you realise this. Not only are you teaching you're beautiful little person to be and become the best they can be but you are fixing yourself. I find myself questioning everything I do. I know he is watching me so before I act, I think. When I think, I ask myself, "how would JJ interpret this in his little head and in turn what does that teach him?
I officially welcome myself to the parent club.
I'm on my best most proper behaviour when I am within ear and eyeshot of him. I also ensure that everyone that is within close and frequent contact does the same. When they don't it's my opportunity to teach little man right from wrong.
I have heard that the first four years are the most crucial for a child's development. I'm no child psychologist but if this is the truth then i've got the most exciting 4 years ahead.
I love this time with him. I love watching him as he learns, explores and develops. As every sense in his body ignites. I have created and will continue to create and help mould this young boy into the man he will become.
Love, joy and wonderful memories.
M xxx
Sunday 13 January 2013
Breasts and the milk that comes from it.....
It had never ever dawned on me that breastfeeding would NOT be a possibility. Wait, I take that back. It could have been but am I a bad mother for giving up? NO.
Ok, so let me go back a bit. In my last (and first) post I wrote about how I felt in the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy. From there, allot followed but I really wanted to speak about my breastfeeding experience, the slight joy followed by disappointment, a stressed mummy so in turn a stressed baby.
I was set to go and equipped with all I needed:
Breast pads - Id definetly need them, my breasts would be bountiful of yummy mummy breast milk.
Breast Pump - That magical device - Looking back I don't know why I even got it - I'm a first time mum. I was told to get it so I did. Why would I need to express I thought. I'd always have him breast feeding - I wanted that bond and that was the only way I was going to get it right?
Feeding Pillow - Because when I breastfed It would make things just that little bit more comfortable.
I need to stress, naive as it sounds, I was oblivious to the fact it wouldn't happen. I just thought it was natural. He would be born, latch and presto, I was on my way to milking glory.
Jonathan was born and I knew what needed to happen. He would come out, be placed on my naked chest which would activate the first milk or Colostrum. For any first time mothers that do not know, the Colostrum contains antibodies that help to protect your newborn baby. For me, this was, above all, the most important. Forty minutes later in came the midwife, "has he had your milk yet?", "no" I said feeling my first bouts of failure. So the 'Milking' as I like to call it, was commenced by the midwife. I don't need to describe it. Think of what happens when something is milked and it being done by the midwife.
It hurt, it really hurt, not childbirth hurt but really hurt. The first magical drops began to surface. They were sucked up with a plastic syringe and given to JJ. I closed my eyes and got through it. It was the best thing for my boy - I didn't care. For that first milk I endured the worst to give the best. It'll be ok I thought. My milk would come in soon - I'd never have to go through that again.
To be honest I cant even remember how long it was after that until he needed to feed again, I think it was later that evening. I was tired, so so so tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. Looking back now it seems like a dream.
What? he isn't latching? what does that mean? why isn't he latching? Arn't they supposed to latch? Will he starve? How come milk isn't coming out? A thousand questions ran through my head. I was totally disappointed. I felt like I couldn't give my boy what he needed most.
"Milking" number 2 commenced. Same pain, same result. It was worth it, it needed to be done and JJ would have the best. I think about 2mls came out in total which was followed by a formula 'top up'.
The next shift commenced and with it a new midwife.
'NO, he isn't latching and I don't know what I'm doing wrong'.
With each new shift came the new midwife - the new positions, the different techniques, the different opinions and the escalation to my confusion, frustration and stress.
"I think we will get the Lactation Nurse to see you" said the midwife. What the hell is a lactation nurse? "Of course" I said politely so I wouldn't look like a complete fool.
Enters the lactation nurse.... "I think you should use a nipple shield" whats a nipple shield? "No, the other midwives have checked, his tongue isn't tied". Another opinion, more confusion. All I could think was...... I'm so tired please just go and let me sleep. Let him have the formula now.
Ha! im so great I can milk myself. At least then i'd know my own pain. I managed to get 10Mls. I was so excited I even buzzed for the midwife to show her. Surely the milk was starting to flow, he would latch wouldn't he?........ No.
Around day 4 another lactation nurse came to see me. "oh this nipple shield is the wrong size, who gave you this?"....... "the other lactation nurse" I answered with a frustrated tone. Yep you guessed it, another technique. "I'm holding a breastfeeding class at 11am so I'll see you there". Sure I said. She left the room and I burst into tears. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to sit there with all the other breastfeeding mothers whose babies had latched and feel like more of a failure. I ended up going to the class, I sat there and didn't say a word.
After the class, hubby and I took JJ for a bath. The lactation nurse passed and asked if I had expressed. "No"I answered, "I will do it after his bath". In a somewhat angry tone she answers "well if you want to breastfeed you will need to make that your priority"...... I felt so humiliated in front of the other mothers bathing their babies.
Day 5 arrived and I was going home. In enters a nurse I hadn't seen yet.
"How is the breastfeeding going?'
"It's not, Im trying to latch with each feed, then feeding the previously expressed milk and topping up with formula" I had my little routine down packed.
The midwife asked to have a look as I tried to breast feed him. Here we go, another bloody nurse, yes i've tried that position, please go away, I want to go home with my baby (obviously I never said that out loud but I thought it). As if by miracle she tried and guess what? he latched. Yes, HE LATCHED. I cried with joy. I wasn't a failure.
"Do you want to stay another day to make sure he gets it down packed?" said the midwife, "no, I want to take my baby home, he will continue, i'm sure"
He didn't. He never did. I tried and tried. I went to the breastfeeding clinics. No luck. So I continued to express and top up with formula.
I'd probably still be doing that if he didn't develop reflux and need to be on a special formula. I had been fighting a losing battle.
Looks like the breast pump came in handy after all, as for the breast pads..... I threw them away and the feeding pillow still sits unused in the cupboard.
I mention how I felt like such a failure in this post a few times purely because I did. I couldn't give my son the best. There is such a major emphasise placed on breastfeeding by the doctors and midwifes, everyone actually. I know why but what I don't understand is the look of disappointment when I say I wasn't or don't. My son simply was not latching. He did maybe four times and even then it only lasted about 2 minutes and my milk was just not coming down. Sometimes that just happens.
Am I a failure of a mother because I didn't try harder? NO.
Would I have less of a bond because I wasn't breastfeeding? Maybe, but I know my baby knows me. I know he knows I'm his mummy and I now know he knew that from the moment he was born.
I guess what i'm trying to get across on this post that if is doesn't happen it just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up over it and feel miserable like I did. By all means, try try try your hardest. It is the best, Im not here to dispute that but don't feel like a failure if you don't. Value those first weeks with your baby because it passes like a flash.
Funny how now he does try to breastfeed when we have tummy time. "we tried that one remember" I say to him and sometimes I get a smile like as if he understands what i'm saying - my little trouble maker. I Love him. xxx
Ok, so let me go back a bit. In my last (and first) post I wrote about how I felt in the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy. From there, allot followed but I really wanted to speak about my breastfeeding experience, the slight joy followed by disappointment, a stressed mummy so in turn a stressed baby.
I was set to go and equipped with all I needed:
Breast pads - Id definetly need them, my breasts would be bountiful of yummy mummy breast milk.
Breast Pump - That magical device - Looking back I don't know why I even got it - I'm a first time mum. I was told to get it so I did. Why would I need to express I thought. I'd always have him breast feeding - I wanted that bond and that was the only way I was going to get it right?
Feeding Pillow - Because when I breastfed It would make things just that little bit more comfortable.
I need to stress, naive as it sounds, I was oblivious to the fact it wouldn't happen. I just thought it was natural. He would be born, latch and presto, I was on my way to milking glory.
Jonathan was born and I knew what needed to happen. He would come out, be placed on my naked chest which would activate the first milk or Colostrum. For any first time mothers that do not know, the Colostrum contains antibodies that help to protect your newborn baby. For me, this was, above all, the most important. Forty minutes later in came the midwife, "has he had your milk yet?", "no" I said feeling my first bouts of failure. So the 'Milking' as I like to call it, was commenced by the midwife. I don't need to describe it. Think of what happens when something is milked and it being done by the midwife.
It hurt, it really hurt, not childbirth hurt but really hurt. The first magical drops began to surface. They were sucked up with a plastic syringe and given to JJ. I closed my eyes and got through it. It was the best thing for my boy - I didn't care. For that first milk I endured the worst to give the best. It'll be ok I thought. My milk would come in soon - I'd never have to go through that again.
To be honest I cant even remember how long it was after that until he needed to feed again, I think it was later that evening. I was tired, so so so tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. Looking back now it seems like a dream.
What? he isn't latching? what does that mean? why isn't he latching? Arn't they supposed to latch? Will he starve? How come milk isn't coming out? A thousand questions ran through my head. I was totally disappointed. I felt like I couldn't give my boy what he needed most.
"Milking" number 2 commenced. Same pain, same result. It was worth it, it needed to be done and JJ would have the best. I think about 2mls came out in total which was followed by a formula 'top up'.
The next shift commenced and with it a new midwife.
'NO, he isn't latching and I don't know what I'm doing wrong'.
With each new shift came the new midwife - the new positions, the different techniques, the different opinions and the escalation to my confusion, frustration and stress.
"I think we will get the Lactation Nurse to see you" said the midwife. What the hell is a lactation nurse? "Of course" I said politely so I wouldn't look like a complete fool.
Enters the lactation nurse.... "I think you should use a nipple shield" whats a nipple shield? "No, the other midwives have checked, his tongue isn't tied". Another opinion, more confusion. All I could think was...... I'm so tired please just go and let me sleep. Let him have the formula now.
Ha! im so great I can milk myself. At least then i'd know my own pain. I managed to get 10Mls. I was so excited I even buzzed for the midwife to show her. Surely the milk was starting to flow, he would latch wouldn't he?........ No.
Around day 4 another lactation nurse came to see me. "oh this nipple shield is the wrong size, who gave you this?"....... "the other lactation nurse" I answered with a frustrated tone. Yep you guessed it, another technique. "I'm holding a breastfeeding class at 11am so I'll see you there". Sure I said. She left the room and I burst into tears. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to sit there with all the other breastfeeding mothers whose babies had latched and feel like more of a failure. I ended up going to the class, I sat there and didn't say a word.
After the class, hubby and I took JJ for a bath. The lactation nurse passed and asked if I had expressed. "No"I answered, "I will do it after his bath". In a somewhat angry tone she answers "well if you want to breastfeed you will need to make that your priority"...... I felt so humiliated in front of the other mothers bathing their babies.
Day 5 arrived and I was going home. In enters a nurse I hadn't seen yet.
"How is the breastfeeding going?'
"It's not, Im trying to latch with each feed, then feeding the previously expressed milk and topping up with formula" I had my little routine down packed.
The midwife asked to have a look as I tried to breast feed him. Here we go, another bloody nurse, yes i've tried that position, please go away, I want to go home with my baby (obviously I never said that out loud but I thought it). As if by miracle she tried and guess what? he latched. Yes, HE LATCHED. I cried with joy. I wasn't a failure.
"Do you want to stay another day to make sure he gets it down packed?" said the midwife, "no, I want to take my baby home, he will continue, i'm sure"
He didn't. He never did. I tried and tried. I went to the breastfeeding clinics. No luck. So I continued to express and top up with formula.
I'd probably still be doing that if he didn't develop reflux and need to be on a special formula. I had been fighting a losing battle.
Looks like the breast pump came in handy after all, as for the breast pads..... I threw them away and the feeding pillow still sits unused in the cupboard.
I mention how I felt like such a failure in this post a few times purely because I did. I couldn't give my son the best. There is such a major emphasise placed on breastfeeding by the doctors and midwifes, everyone actually. I know why but what I don't understand is the look of disappointment when I say I wasn't or don't. My son simply was not latching. He did maybe four times and even then it only lasted about 2 minutes and my milk was just not coming down. Sometimes that just happens.
Am I a failure of a mother because I didn't try harder? NO.
Would I have less of a bond because I wasn't breastfeeding? Maybe, but I know my baby knows me. I know he knows I'm his mummy and I now know he knew that from the moment he was born.
I guess what i'm trying to get across on this post that if is doesn't happen it just doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up over it and feel miserable like I did. By all means, try try try your hardest. It is the best, Im not here to dispute that but don't feel like a failure if you don't. Value those first weeks with your baby because it passes like a flash.
Funny how now he does try to breastfeed when we have tummy time. "we tried that one remember" I say to him and sometimes I get a smile like as if he understands what i'm saying - my little trouble maker. I Love him. xxx
Saturday 12 January 2013
Me, WInd and the first 12 weeks....
Ive been trying to write this for 5 days now (minus the time it's taken to set up and understand the blog) and i'm finally here.
Wine in hand here we go.....
I'm thirty years old and the proud mummy to baby Jonathan James or JJ as we have learnt to so easily call him - not John not Johnny just Jonathan or J.J. I wanted to call him Jonathan Marcus but hey there is always next time right? Given its a boy and I "forget'' child birth like everyone keeps telling me I will.
I've started this blog so I can share with any other first timers out there my Mummy experiences. I realise there are hundreds, if not thousands of blogs but I felt the need to share this.....
Whilst having a baby has been the most rewarding, life fulfilling and utterly joyful and loving experience of my life, there, as with everything else in life, are the downs. The downs that are never told and the downs that you think will never be experienced.
Little man is being burped by his daddy as I type, nothing is coming out. You will get to know this. That magical burp that bellows from deep below, the one you hope will stop the crying and put him to sleep does not always come out. Even forty minutes later it still remains dormant until eventually, hours down the track, it becomes that wind that rears from down below. You laugh because you think its cute when they give a "wind" smile and then you hope you don't have to clean a smelly smelly poo poo.
I'm not sure how I will go with this blog. If it helps with just one new mummy then my work here is done.
I was married in February last year in England. Somewhere in the beginning of that month I fell pregnant. A flood of mixed emotions hit me. I was pregnant. I was having a baby. My own baby. Something that I had wanted all my life. In fact I didn't want anything more. Was I scared? yes, more than you could imagine. Blood tests confirmed it. The 8 week wait commenced. The wait to 12 weeks when the pregnancy is then considered 'safe'. I was walking on egg shells. A bag of anxiety until that 12 week scan arrived. There it was for the first time on screen. The little bundle of pure love that is growing inside you. It moved, in fact it did not stop moving. I will never, for as long as I live forget that day. It was the most moving moment in my life. Hey, this strong girl even cried.
So there it all begins. The influx of suggestions, which I know all came with good intentions, from family, friends, co-workers and even Joe Blow from the down the road that you had never met.
Dont eat this.
Dont drink that.
Dont listen to that.
Dont cook that.
If you don't eat that when you crave it your baby will have a birth mark.
Stop working.
Rest.
Dont lift something that weighs just 1 kilo.
Dont drive.
Hold it in and don't say it - don't say Shut UP - They mean well.
Listen to it. Absorb it. Take what you want and for heavens sake do not care less for what you don't. Always remember it's your pregnancy and your child inside you. You will feel what's right. You are a woman and from that moment on your mummy instincts kick in. If you don't feel something to be right then CALL THE MIDWIFE. Don't be scared to call them a thousand times. Remember, its your first time. Every pregnancy is different and at that its your first. It's not text book.
Do not feel that because you have not experienced something that your pregnancy is not normal. Some women get morning sickness, some don't. I felt ill every waking moment for the first 12 weeks but was I sick? maybe three times. It's all a different experience for each and every one of us. I'm saying it because I kept getting told what I should be feeling and did not. This added to the anxiety. Again, you will just know.
So that's how I felt for the first 12 weeks. The rest is history. Well not exactly. I just don't have time to finish writing about it now. Jonathan is stirring. It's time to make his formula, yes, formula, no, Im not breastfeeding. Shock horror. The reasoning to that is on the next post.
Love, peace and beautiful babies.
M x
Wine in hand here we go.....
I'm thirty years old and the proud mummy to baby Jonathan James or JJ as we have learnt to so easily call him - not John not Johnny just Jonathan or J.J. I wanted to call him Jonathan Marcus but hey there is always next time right? Given its a boy and I "forget'' child birth like everyone keeps telling me I will.
I've started this blog so I can share with any other first timers out there my Mummy experiences. I realise there are hundreds, if not thousands of blogs but I felt the need to share this.....
Whilst having a baby has been the most rewarding, life fulfilling and utterly joyful and loving experience of my life, there, as with everything else in life, are the downs. The downs that are never told and the downs that you think will never be experienced.
Little man is being burped by his daddy as I type, nothing is coming out. You will get to know this. That magical burp that bellows from deep below, the one you hope will stop the crying and put him to sleep does not always come out. Even forty minutes later it still remains dormant until eventually, hours down the track, it becomes that wind that rears from down below. You laugh because you think its cute when they give a "wind" smile and then you hope you don't have to clean a smelly smelly poo poo.
I'm not sure how I will go with this blog. If it helps with just one new mummy then my work here is done.
I was married in February last year in England. Somewhere in the beginning of that month I fell pregnant. A flood of mixed emotions hit me. I was pregnant. I was having a baby. My own baby. Something that I had wanted all my life. In fact I didn't want anything more. Was I scared? yes, more than you could imagine. Blood tests confirmed it. The 8 week wait commenced. The wait to 12 weeks when the pregnancy is then considered 'safe'. I was walking on egg shells. A bag of anxiety until that 12 week scan arrived. There it was for the first time on screen. The little bundle of pure love that is growing inside you. It moved, in fact it did not stop moving. I will never, for as long as I live forget that day. It was the most moving moment in my life. Hey, this strong girl even cried.
So there it all begins. The influx of suggestions, which I know all came with good intentions, from family, friends, co-workers and even Joe Blow from the down the road that you had never met.
Dont eat this.
Dont drink that.
Dont listen to that.
Dont cook that.
If you don't eat that when you crave it your baby will have a birth mark.
Stop working.
Rest.
Dont lift something that weighs just 1 kilo.
Dont drive.
Hold it in and don't say it - don't say Shut UP - They mean well.
Listen to it. Absorb it. Take what you want and for heavens sake do not care less for what you don't. Always remember it's your pregnancy and your child inside you. You will feel what's right. You are a woman and from that moment on your mummy instincts kick in. If you don't feel something to be right then CALL THE MIDWIFE. Don't be scared to call them a thousand times. Remember, its your first time. Every pregnancy is different and at that its your first. It's not text book.
Do not feel that because you have not experienced something that your pregnancy is not normal. Some women get morning sickness, some don't. I felt ill every waking moment for the first 12 weeks but was I sick? maybe three times. It's all a different experience for each and every one of us. I'm saying it because I kept getting told what I should be feeling and did not. This added to the anxiety. Again, you will just know.
So that's how I felt for the first 12 weeks. The rest is history. Well not exactly. I just don't have time to finish writing about it now. Jonathan is stirring. It's time to make his formula, yes, formula, no, Im not breastfeeding. Shock horror. The reasoning to that is on the next post.
Love, peace and beautiful babies.
M x
Thursday 10 January 2013
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